These Female “Privileges” Suck (but also prove my point)

Dear Mark Saunders,

I see that you are a writer of men’s issues, and have taken it upon yourself to expose some of the insidiously institutionalized sexism that American men suffer from on a daily basis. Your article was titled “18 things females seem to not understand (because female privilege)” and I clicked on it, bracing for the usual dribble such as “we don’t like your pixie cuts”.

I was instead blown away by the incredible amount of  ignorance & misogyny I had unwittingly stumbled upon. Yes! A veritable goldmine of men’s issues & female privileges!

MRA

Although I’m not sure you are quite clear on the definition of a privilege.

Privilege: a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group of people. 

When I saw your post was a list of privileges I thought to myself, “oh good, something to remind me of how great it is to be a woman.” Too bad it was a list of literally the most pathetic, least useful privileges (& some non-privileges) ever. How ironic!

The vast majority of the list is unsupported by sound reasoning, logic, or statistics. So here I am fuming & taking 4 hours to refute an 18-point list that probably took you 30 seconds to write, when I could be watching Fringe on Netflix.

And, uh, Mark? You forgot the most important female privilege of all:

Yoga. Pants.


1. Female privilege is being able to walk down the street at night without people crossing the street because they’re automatically afraid of you.

Ah I see. You don’t like that people are “automatically afraid”. You’re upset you do not have the “privilege” of assumed nonviolent behavior that comes with owning a vagina whilst walking down the street at night, the possible benefits of which include being catcalled, groped, followed, harassed, taken photographs of without consent, abducted, raped, beaten, and/or murdered.

Those fucking privileged bitches who walk around at night with their keys in-between shaking fingers, pepper spray in pocket, staying on the phone with a friend so someone will be there to hear her scream if anything happens – these privileged women who just don’t understand that being avoided on the sidewalk is such a hardship.

Yeah, ok.

2. Female privilege is being able to approach someone and ask them out without being labeled “creepy.”

This one is actually not too offensive or outrageous – although a rather silly privilege in itself. I am slightly confused as to Mark’s dating tactics. Maybe take a romance course?

3. Female privilege is being able to get drunk and have sex without being considered a rapist. Female privilege is being able to engage in the same action as another person but be considered the innocent party by default.

Getting drunk + having sex =/= rapist.

Getting drunk + having sex with a non-consenting person = rapist.

This doesn’t change depending on your gender.

4. Female privilege is being able to turn on the TV and see yourself represented in a positive way. Female privilege is shows like King of Queens and Everybody Loves Raymond where women are portrayed as attractive, competent people while men are shown as ugly, lazy slobs.

women in media

 The above statement must have surely been a product of pure ignorance, because nobody could possibly believe that women are represented more positively than men. That’s because women are barely represented at all!  The CW is the only network that represents females in accurate proportion to their representation in the U.S. population.

Now, to the quality of female characters that do make it on screen. To the left is a chart that shows the representation of characters’ genders in positive, leadership positions. As you can see, women in fact do not get the privilege of being represented in a positive way, say as president, or CEO, or ingenious scientist. We barely get represented at all.

However, when we do get represented, it’s when we’re naked, since women are twice as likely as men to appear in sexually explicit scenes. Which, you know, could be what Mark meant by “attractive, competent people”…?

[above media facts sourced here]

5. Female privilege is the idea that women and children should be the first rescued from any sort of emergency situation. Female privilege is saving yourself before you save others and not being viewed as a monster.

6. Female privilege is being able to decide not to have a child.

First of all, it is a goddamn right to be able to decide not to have a child. You know why it’s a right and not just a silly little privilege? Because children grow inside our bodies, not yours, you fucking nincompoop. Of course a woman has the right to decide what happens to her body and a man doesn’t.

Plus, I don’t see how deciding to not have children is an exclusively female privilege. Men can decide not to have children too. Just don’t have sex, like all those women who can’t afford birth control.

7. Female privilege is not having to support a child financially for 18 years when you didn’t want to have it in the first place.

Let me translate: Female “privilege” is incubating an unwanted child inside your body for 9 months, undergoing a painful & dangerous childbirth, then raising the child every single day of your life for the next 18 years with no help from some piece of shit dude who complains about paying child support, all because a male-dominated government reduced access to contraception and enacted so many TRAP laws in your state that you did not have the time, money, or resources to prevent the child “when you didn’t want to have in the first place”.

Male privilege is being able to opt out this unwanted child’s life by writing a check every month.

8. Female privilege is never being told to “take it like a man” or “man up.”

I think everybody except for you, Mark, knows that this “privilege” is not really advantageous to our lives in any way, shape, or form, and therefore not actually a real privilege.

9. Female privilege is knowing that people would take it as a gravely serious issue if someone raped you. Female privilege is being able to laugh at a “prison rape” joke.

If people took rape victims so gravely seriously, then why must rape survivors in schools rely so heavily on Title IX to ensure that their sexual assault claims are given the time of day?  And secondly, if female privilege is being able to laugh at prison rape jokes, then who’s the privileged one when it comes to the (much more common) rape-rape jokes?

10. Female privilege is being able to divorce your spouse when your marriage is no longer working because you know you will most likely be granted custody of your children.

I’m getting tired of this.

11. Female privilege is being able to call the police in a domestic dispute knowing they will take your side. Female privilege is not having your gender work against where police are involved.

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY  THE POLICE FAVOR WOMEN? DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE THIS “PRIVILEGE” COMES FROM?Percentages of people killed in the U.S. by an intimate partner: 30 percent of women, 5.3 percent of men. Percentage change between 1980 and 2008 of women and men killed by intimate partners in the U.S.: ( w) 43 percent to 45 percent; (m) 10 percent to 5 percent. Yes, we are so privileged, getting beaten & killed in such high percentages that the police must be specially trained to handle domestic disputes with the woman’s safety as a priority. We’re so lucky. 

12. Female privilege is being able to be caring or empathetic without people being surprised.

This is ridiculous and once again, a totally useless privilege that I’d like to trade for… IDK… the privilege of an automatically higher starting salary over half the population.

13. Female privilege is not having to take your career seriously because you can depend on marrying someone who makes more money than you do. Female privilege is being able to be a “stay at home mom” and not seem like a loser.

While I do think that it’s important that stay-at-home-dads get their due recognition and shouldn’t receive any flak for wanting to stay at home with the kids – I’m pretty sure that it’s other dudes that are depriving  men of this privilege, since every woman I know is fucking ecstatic when dad wants to help out more. 

The whole “don’t have to take career seriously” and can “depend on marrying someone” lunacy… um 40% of households with children rely on the mother as the sole provider. 32 percent of mothers told Pew that their ideal situation would be to work full time rather than part time or not at all (2012).

And finally, you think it’s a privilege to depend on marrying someone? Really?

14. Female privilege is being able to cry your way out of a speeding ticket.

Don’t shoot me but I can’t refute this.

15. Female privilege is being favored by teachers in elementary, middle and high school. Female privilege is graduating high school more often, being accepted to more colleges, and generally being encouraged and supported along the way.

college chartFor around 1500 years, girls worldwide were completely shut out of the educational system – a privilege reserved for the boys. Just recently, in the past 200 years or so, girls were finally been granted widespread (relatively speaking) access to both lower & higher education. Only 30 years ago did women start to surpass men in enrollment & graduation throughout all stages of school.  By my (rough) calculations, men have had nearly 1300 years of “being favored by teachers” 100:0, so I don’t think that a few girl-favoring years of 54:46 is reeeally a deep-rooted, institutionalized bias against men.

Secondly, despite the fact that women are out-achieving men at school, it doesn’t matter once we graduate. There is only one of 285 major occupations where women’s median pay is higher than men’s: Personal care and service workers. What about within the same profession? In a recent study of newly trained doctors, even after considering the effects of specialty, practice setting, work hours and other factors, the gender pay gap was nearly $17,000 in 2008.” 

Education is one of the only places women have the opportunity to be graded & awarded strictly according to merit and little else. Just let us have this one.

16. Female privilege being able to have an opinion without someone tell you you’re just “a butthurt fedora-wearing neckbeard who can’t get any.”

Whoever told you that is hilarious.

17. Female privilege is being able to talk about sexism without appearing self-serving.

(FYI – I’m ending this post because I’m tired)

18. Female privilege is arrogantly believing that sexism only applies to women

Ok, I would like to end with this:

Male privilege looks like this article. Male privilege is what allowed a guy like Mark Saunders to get his incredibly ignorant, badly researched, badly written “article” published on a high-traffic blog with apparently lower standards than I expected. And male privilege is what allows men to think women should be thankful for the above “privileges” that we have wrestled for ourselves – at the cost of men – in modern society.

Rant is over – kudos to everyone who made it to the end.

Advertisements

21 thoughts on “These Female “Privileges” Suck (but also prove my point)

  1. Round of applause, this is excellent. Also, wow, Thought Catalog really does publish some steaming heaps of shit.

    Seriously though, this one especially: “Female privilege is not having to take your career seriously because you can depend on marrying someone who makes more money than you do.”

    WHAT PLANET IS THIS HAPPENING ON. Seriously, I’m 26 with nice eyes and good child-bearing hips. Where are the rich suitors queuing up outside my office to whisk me away to a blissful life of economic dependence? Why do I make more money than the last three guys I’ve dated? Why am I still in the lamentable position of being solely charge of my own finances and not having to answer to anyone about how or where I spend money? I DEMAND MY FEMALE PRIVILEGES.

    Also, this is the same genus of clown who will froth at the mouth at the suggestion that the gender pay gap exists, but still confidently asserts that women can depend on marrying someone who makes more than them just because, you know, MEN.

    Also, does someone want to tell him that lesbians exist?

  2. I didn’t want to go read the real thing because it would make me so angry. Thank you for laying it out for me in a format that saved my desk from harm of having my head hit it multiple times.

  3. Completely agree. He shouldn’t have even gone there with the rape comments. He comes off as highly privileged and sheltered. I hope real life comes and hands him some real issues to write about. Like being destitute, having the woman leave him with the kids and him being the main bread-winner and being under paid at the same time.

  4. Best blog yet!! I hope that “ignorant butthead fedora-wearing neckbeard who can’t get any” Mark Saunders reads this blog in it’s entirety and realizes what a pompous ass he is.

  5. You’re both wrong and childish. There are legitimate arguments on both sides. Of course, you’ve done extremely well here comparing apples to oranges in many cases. And he did a great job explaining himself in a manner that provokes attack. Too bad you got dragged down to his level.

  6. Love it… the next time I am scurrying to my car in the evening, keys clutched, heart pounding, looking over my shoulder and then locking the doors the second my ass hits the seat… I will now be eternally grateful that no one was likely scurrying away from me…

  7. “10. Female privilege is being able to divorce your spouse when your marriage is no longer working because you know you will most likely be granted custody of your children.”

    “I’m getting tired of this.”

    What an amazing rebuttal. Are you seriously unwilling to acknowledge the fact that the “justice” system defaults 95% of the time to the mother? And this after you just COMPLAINED about having to raise a child for 18 years? AND while ignoring the fact that men have NO say in abortion cases even though the decision impacts THEIR child (yes, it’s theirs as much as it is yours).

    You’re all over the place. You might want to adopt some steady values and principles before you attack others. Until then, you sound like just another walking ovary with a bad attitude.

    • I was going to not approve this comment but decided to respond instead. I skipped over #10 because it was getting close to midnight and had already spent hours researching facts to refute this list of sexist stereotypes. I do not have existing education on custody battles, nor did I feel like tackling this big of a topic this late at night.

      Skipping one bullet point on a list of 18 doesn’t make me a “walking ovary” but it does say something about men in general who continue to think of women as nothing more than our reproductive organs, especially the ones that disagree with them.

  8. Love it.

    I would note that both the original and some of the responses here are deeply heteronormative, and that the situation may differ for lesbians who can not necessarily marry someone who makes more money than them, are represented even less than heterosexual women, and so on.

  9. Pingback: The week in sexism | Rowdy Rani

  10. Ugh Thought Catalog is the worst. All of its “articles” are just bullshitty opinion pieces by privileged 20-something hipsters. I don’t know what reality the writer of this “article” lives in, but it’s surely not the real one. Come on, a privilege is being able to walk down the street without being feared? NO. A privilege is being able to walk down the street without being threatened, something the male writer of this shitty tc article gets to do every day.

  11. Let’s go through this one by one, shall we?

    1. “Female privilege is being able to walk down the street at night without people crossing the street because they’re automatically afraid of you.”
    Female privilege is being able to walk down the street at night and have a man cross the street so that he can tell you what he wants to do to you that night.
    *True story. Happens to me on a regular basis.

    2. “Female privilege is being able to approach someone and ask them out without being labeled “creepy.'”
    Female privilege is being approached by strangers on a regular basis who, when you reject them, get angry at you and think you have a problem with men.

    3. “Female privilege is being able to get drunk and have sex without being considered a rapist. Female privilege is being able to engage in the same action as another person but be considered the innocent party by default.”
    Female privilege is being able to get drunk and have men target you as a conquest.
    *Huffington Post: Drunk Women Targeted By Sober Men In Bars, Study Finds
    *NPR: If He’s Sexually Aggressive In Bars, It’s Not Because He’s Drunk

    4. “Female privilege is being able to turn on the TV and see yourself represented in a positive way. Female privilege is shows like King of Queensand Everybody Loves Raymond where women are portrayed as attractive, competent people while men are shown as ugly, lazy slobs.”
    Female privilege is being able to turn on the TV and see that even attractive, competent women have to settle for ugly, lazy slobs, so females should just drop their standards now. Female privilege is seeing attractive, competent women on TV so that you feel ashamed of your own appearance if you aren’t as perfect, while men see that they don’t need to amount to much in order to be happy.
    *Mark Saunders’s privilege is having terrible taste in TV.

    5. “Female privilege is the idea that women and children should be the first rescued from any sort of emergency situation. Female privilege is saving yourself before you save others and not being viewed as a monster.”
    Female privilege is having people assume that you are too weak to do anything yourself. Female privilege is the perception that women have to be rescued because they cannot save themselves.

    6. “Female privilege is being able to decide not to have a child.”
    Female privilege is deciding whether to carry an unwanted child to term and deal with the emotional and financial stress, or whether to abort an unwanted pregnancy and deal with the emotional and financial stress.

    7. “Female privilege is not having to support a child financially for 18 years when you didn’t want to have it in the first place.”
    Female privilege is having to spend your time and attention on a child for 18 years when his/her father decides he doesn’t want the child, trying to financially support the two (or more) of you on a check from the absentee father and what money you can make in your remaining time.

    8. “Female privilege is never being told to ‘take it like a man’ or ‘man up.'”
    Female privilege is being told that “boys will be boys” when men harass you and being encouraged not to fight back.

    9. “Female privilege is knowing that people would take it as a gravely serious issue if someone raped you. Female privilege is being able to laugh at a “prison rape” joke.”
    Female privilege is being taken as seriously as the woman who wrote ‘Dear Harvard, You Win’ [Google it] by the institution that is supposed to support you, while it tries to protect its own skin. Female privilege is having people doubt your rape after the fact, blaming it on the outfit you wore or the drinks you had. Female privilege is not being taken seriously about your rape until it goes viral on the Internet. Female privilege is being told to “lighten up” when you’re offended by a rape joke.

    10. “Female privilege is being able to divorce your spouse when your marriage is no longer working because you know you will most likely be granted custody of your children.”
    Female privilege is doing the majority of the work taking care of the children while married, while also holding down a job (as is the norm now-a-days).
    *Huffington Post: Dispelling The Myth Of Gender Bias In The Family Court System

    11. “Female privilege is being able to call the police in a domestic dispute knowing they will take your side. Female privilege is not having your gender work against where police are involved.”
    Female privilege is the increased likelihood of being a victim of domestic abuse.

    12. “Female privilege is being able to be caring or empathetic without people being surprised.”
    Female privilege is being called a “bitch” whenever you are stern.

    13. “Female privilege is not having to take your career seriously because you can depend on marrying someone who makes more money than you do. Female privilege is being able to be a “stay at home mom” and not seem like a loser.”
    Female privilege is being told that marriage is more important than your career by men like this and ignorant people Princeton mom. Female privilege is the expectation that women will stay home with the children and not go to work. Female privilege is making $.77 for every $1 that a man makes.
    *at this point, I’m pretty sure you’re just trolling.

    14. “Female privilege is being able to cry your way out of a speeding ticket.”
    Female privilege is dealing with the assumption that you are a bad driver because of your gender.

    15. “Female privilege is being favored by teachers in elementary, middle and high school. Female privilege is graduating high school more often, being accepted to more colleges, and generally being encouraged and supported along the way.”
    Female privilege is having men dismiss the hard work you put into school, claiming that you only made it through because of your gender.

    16. “Female privilege being able to have an opinion without someone tell you you’re just ‘a butthurt fedora-wearing neckbeard who can’t get any.'”
    Female privilege is being called a bitch, slut, cunt, whore, etc… when you voice an opinion.
    *I’m just waiting for the comments to prove me right on this one.

    17. “Female privilege is being able to talk about sexism without appearing self-serving.”
    Female privilege is dealing with sexism every day to the point where you have to talk about it.

    18. “Female privilege is arrogantly believing that sexism only applies to women.”
    Female privilege is knowing that sexism goes both ways, but still having men get mad because they don’t feel oppressed enough.

  12. Pingback: link farm #10: easter easter | massive hassle

Blog at WordPress.com.

%d bloggers like this: